On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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