i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
