Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
