please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
