My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
