I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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