she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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