Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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