I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well you can't waste a boner
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
