I think i sorta joined a cult last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
