Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
