woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize