I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
