Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
