You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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