I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
