i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize