Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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