Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
