just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
