don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
