I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
