is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
