You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Mom said you looked used
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
