I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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