Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
