To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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