Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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