we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
