i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
