i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
