Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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