are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
