here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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