I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
