if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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