Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
