If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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