I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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