john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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