I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize