I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
