The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
