There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and she was petting her beer can
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
