She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
even my farts smell like vagina
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
