Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
