U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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