$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
