Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
