do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
