I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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