So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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