I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize