just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
