Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
