You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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