Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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