Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I won the penis lottery.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
