I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
