I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
