My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
