if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
