I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
