i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
