I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
