Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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